so i am sure you have all heard about the bombings in amman by now. i suppose that first i should say that i and all my fellow volunteers are well and safe. as are all the jordanians i know. i dont quite know how to react or what to say. the attack doesnt seem to have made a very big impact on my village. i am pretty far south of amman (280k actually) and there was a death in the village that same day, so maybe those have something to do with it.
my own experience of it goes a bit like this: i was dancing around my room, out of boredom i suppose and i got a silly idea in my head. i went to text it to someone (text messaging is a sort of lifeline between us here), but i texted it to the wrong person. i got a phone call from said person. he said he had been in the midst of a flurry of texts and that mine had seemed out of place, and oh by the way andi havent you heard about the bombs? off went the tunes, on came the bbc. they werent saying much so i got some idea of what was going on from al arabiya. then came the waiting and the wondering. what happens now? do we have to leave? if we evacuate, what do i take with me? if i go, do i want to take another assignment in another country? a tense night with no new information, and no attention span for anything but the news. thursday was a holiday out of respect and mourning which made a 4 day weekend because it coinsided with the late king husseins birthday holiday on sunday. as i sat alone in my apartment i started to think that i dont want to leave. i have just gotten started. i knew leaving was a possibility but i hated to think of it.
i will say this, it was unsettling to see footage on the news of a table that i know i sat at in the hyatt. dont worry, i dont stay at luxury hotels when i travel, but i was reading a paper. anyway, i knew it was the same table. but this time there were 2 unfinished drinks on it, the chairs were ruined and there was a puddle of blood on the floor next to it. it wasnt in the oh god it could have been me sense, but more that i sat at that table and now something really bad happened to someone else who was sitting there. it just made it feel real and close to home. maybe it sounds dramatic, but those are the thoughts that run through your head at 1 am when you are alone and waiting for someone to tell you what the hell is going on.
all said, i dont think i am in danger here. i feel that my community likes and respects me (at least enough to send their daughters to me every day). and the peace corps is all over security. really. if they thought i was in danger i would be sent home yesterday. the reaction in jordan has been strongly anti terrorist. those i have talked to are really concerned about the impact this will have on western views of islam. and i just want to say. this isnt islam. there is nothing in the koran that says you should slap on a bomb and blow up a (jordanian, and islamic) wedding. and i am afraid of the potential reaction to this . maybe it isnt even a blip on the american radar screen. i cant tell because i am here. anyway. thanks to all who emailed and called. it made me feel better. you are all in my thoughts. and i appologize for typos, i think my hands have frostbite now...